How can I make my family accept that I want to be an engineer?

 Explain to your family the benefits of a STEM career and how engineering impacts society and everyday life. Share stories of women in engineering and their contributions. Demonstrate your seriousness about becoming an engineer through your actions and decisions. This can help your family understand your dedication. Connect with women engineers who can share their experiences and provide guidance. Their stories might resonate with your family and help them understand your choice.

Remember, your career choice is yours to make, and while family support is valuable, your happiness and success are paramount. Keep pursuing your passion for engineering, and with time, your family may come to appreciate and accept your decision. 

You’re right, you can’t force your family to be proud of you. But your career choice is just that - your choice. The benefits of choosing a STEM career far outweigh the risks of your family’s lack of understanding. If you do want to try to convince them, the “why” behind their disapproval matters.

Are they unable to connect your field of engineering to the benefits it can bring to society at large, and your family tree specifically? Everything your family uses in their daily life has required an engineer to be involved, from the food on their table, the clothes they wear, and the mobile device you’re reading this on right now. Find some women in engineering in your field who can tell the story of the benefits they’ve seen.

Do they not understand what an engineer actually does? Introduce them to the cycle of idea, building a prototype, testing, and iterating that make engineering so interesting and fun!

Are they of the antiquated mindset that women don’t belong in engineering? It’s ok for them to be wrong, and you’ll have to prove it to them. It doesn’t have to be a fight, though; I’m a strong proponent of the concept of “living well is the best revenge.” They’ll come around eventually, even your brothers. :-)

This question really came at the right time and resonated with me. I am 59 years old, and I have been working in the field of computer science, networking, and now telecommunications engineering for 30+ years. I did an interview for the National Academy of Engineering website this past week which my father overheard. His statement after floored me. "I guess now they know you are not really qualified to be an engineer." As an 8th grader, a statement like my father made would have probably spiraled me into a depression and thinking that I wasn't smart enough to do anything.

Your family's support is important as an 8th grader, as they are more than likely your financial avenue into college. In addition, they will be your support when it is time to make tough decisions, such as balancing your academic schedule with work/life schedules and commitments. Talk to them often to show that you are serious about your future career choices. Demonstrate your commitment through facts:

• In 2022, 17.4% of Aerospace Engineers were women
• Ameila Eahart - 1st female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean
• Eileen Collins - Retired Air Force Colonel/NASA Astronaut, 1st female Space Shuttle pilot and mission commander
• Yvonne Brill - Invented a propulsion system for spacecraft

Most individuals who become great in their field face ridicule and resistance from people surrounding them. Make peace with yourself that not everyone is going to accept your choices, even those closest to you. As those that matter will be proud of you no matter what. Even with my father's biting remark a few days ago, I know that he couldn't be more proud of my accomplishments over the years.

Do you know why your parents wouldn't accept you being an engineer? Engineering is a very well respected career that can set you up for ANYTHING you want to do in life, whether that is engineering or law or politics. Engineering teaches critical thinking and data driven analysis; these are required skills for any successful person in their career. And engineers make a decent salary, capable of financial independence with a path towards funded retirement.

Perhaps highlighting the impact of engineers, especially in the aerospace field, would be helpful. In doing a quick search, AIAA has a page that seems to be chock-full of information about recent developments in the aerospace industry, showcasing the variety of skills needed.

At the end of the day, you need to be proud of yourself. That starts with standing on your own two feet and making your own decisions. You have the right to change your decisions but know that you need to make your own choices in life. It's your life. There's a difference between being loved and being proud. Your family will love you regardless of the choices you make. Only you can be proud of yourself.

That's really tricky and must be hard when your family doesn't understand your passion. As you've said, you can't control how others feel. But perhaps you can gradually share examples of things that other engineers have achieved. Maybe if they're watching a movie, like Top Gun, you can say you're amazed that engineers could design planes that can do those moves.

It'll probably have more impact if you can relate it to things they ARE interested in. Look for ways to build a bridge from what they know and understand to your interests. Engineering has links to so much of our day to day life and yet it's really common that people don't know anything about it. I wouldn't try to “win them over” quickly, just carry on learning for your own interest and sharing that passion when there's a natural opening to do so. Good luck!

Your family most likely wants you to be happy and successful in life, so if becoming an engineer is your dream, go for it and tell your family likewise. I'm sure you have your reasons for wanting to be an engineer, so explain those to your family. They know you and what makes you who you are, so they should be able to connect the dots.

Then, the best answer of all is "as an engineer, I can change the world!"

I'd like to start to say, do follow this path of engineering that you are excited about. It is a great path. It can be difficult if your family has other plans or ideas of what you should be doing. Especially now, people are following more out of the box paths, and the outcome is fabulous. It can take others time to warm up the a different idea, but eventually they do get there.

You cannot control anyone else's thoughts, keep that in mind. But you can do your best to influence. Try pointing out in daily life, all the places that aerospace engineering plays a role in their lives, so they can first understand what aerospace engineering is and its importance. Then to express that you will be part of that in future and working on things they will continue to make their lives better and/or safer. Who knows, maybe you will influence your younger brothers to follow in your footsteps and become an aerospace engineer too!

The secret to convincing your family lies in NOT trying to do all the convincing yourself! Your brothers will come around, or they will always be jealous of you. Don’t worry about it because YOU must live YOUR life!

I had a similar problem. I was an only child, and my parents did not graduate from college. My father (a high voltage electrical lineman) was against me becoming an engineer; however, my mother (who worked in a bank) was somewhat supportive, even though she did not understand what engineers do. I told them I would get a job, contribute to my college expenses and engineers made good money. Over time, I was able to convince them, as my high school math teacher was supportive. Both my parents ended up very, very proud of me.

Here’s how I would address your problem:

• Step 1: Take a look at your mom and your dad and pick the person that appears more supportive.
• Step 2: Arm yourself with data (salaries, college costs, how you can help pay for college, role models like yourself, adult friends who may be engineers they can speak with, etc.
• Step 3: Have a conversation with either mom, dad, or both, and share the data about how you as an engineer will help THEM and your family.
• Step 4: Listen to why your parents are concerned and do your homework to address that concern.
• Step 5: Go back to your parents with a plan that addresses their concern. If the issue is money, talk about jobs you can get, local schooling and then transfers, cooperative education programs, etc.
• Step 6: If this does not work, and your parents still have objections, identify adults whom your parents respect, perhaps their parent, a teacher, a minister, a doctor, and make these adults aware of your career choice and ask them to speak to your parents in an informal and supportive manner the next time they see them.
• Step 7: Do not give up. Sometimes this process takes time.

More ideas: Talk with a college counselor online, or a high school guidance counselor. Good luck!!!

I’ve learned very early in my career that as a female engineer, I didn’t have to depend on what others thought of me – while well intended, sometimes the perspective or approval or others only creates self-esteem issues. Just be clear on why you would like to be an engineer and ask for their support not their approval. They will come along as you make progress in your career, and they understand why it is important to you.

I’m impressed you already have an idea of what you’d like to study after you graduate high school! That is awesome and very smart!!

You note your family doesn’t “really get it” – which I interpret to mean, they don’t quite know what an aerospace engineer does or maybe don’t understand what kind of job you could get with the engineering degree. My suggestion is to do a little research, if you haven’t already, so you can confidently explain what the degree entails (explaining some of the courses is helpful too, so they understand all the subjects you would be learning) and especially research various jobs relative to the degree – those could be in aerospace, government, private sector, and other industries, so they better understand where this degree could take you in the future. Look on EngineerGirl’s site for some of your fellow women engineers with an aerospace engineering degree and don’t hesitate to reach out to ask any one of them questions about their career path, I’m certain they would be thrilled to help you!

As you share your knowledge, I am hopeful you start to see your family trending more toward excitement about your future and encouraging you to pursue what interests you most. I’m proud of you and I know there is a whole legion of women engineers proud of you for embarking on such an exciting career! You might even interest your younger brothers to pursue a similar path or challenge them to find their unique interest for their own future!

Don’t give up! You are an inspiration to women and young girls alike – you need to be proud of that and yourself! Good luck and we’ll see you doing great things in the future!

Whenever we, as humans, are introduced to a new idea, it has the potential to surprise us and possibly even make us defensive. This is brain science. Your family might just be surprised by your choice. When I was young, my family was surprised and told me they thought I'd be happier on a different path. My family doesn't share a lot of feelings, but even they have expressed that they are proud of me and what I've accomplished during my career.

The reality is… the only one who will have to live with your choice, day after day, is you!! If you want to be an engineer, I think your family will not only accept your path, but they will likely be proud of you, eventually.

One idea to persuade them: you can share the many amazing inventions that engineers have contributed to. Do you brothers like race cars, sports equipment, bridges, or online games? Do they surf the Internet? Tell them to thank an engineer! I don't know the personality of your family, but this can be as subtle or bold as you'd like it to be. I encourage you to have fun with it.

One more tip: find others who ARE excited about being in engineering to keep you encouraged. Wishing you luck and growing confidence as continue on this journey!

You are on the right track. You are ambitious and clear of your aim. Not many have a clear ambition at your age. I’m personally proud of your clear thought process and also that you have a lot of empathy.

Since you are on the right track, please go for it full steam. Follow your passion, no looking back. I can already see that you will scale new heights, and as you start making milestones, there will be a spotlight on your accomplishments. Relax and charge ahead and you will get the results you seek and your family will be proud of you. Your younger brothers will start emulating you. You will set a good example for them.

You are in 8th grade, focus on your grades in math and the sciences - and excel in those subjects, all important when you apply to colleges. Your parents will be proud of how hard you worked and your grades.