I got bullied for wanting to be an engineer - can I still become one?

When it comes to bullying, everyone, no matter what you choose to do, usually gets some bullying at one time or another, so it is important that you think about this unkind act in this manner: the bullying says more about the person doing the bullying than about the person being bullied.” Generally, I try to give a smart remark back at the bully or just ignore the comment with silence, and since most bullies are generally weak personalities, they will go away if you are able to demonstrate that you don’t care about their opinion or that you have a very low opinion of their views. Laughing at them generally shuts the bully down.

It’s important to keep in mind that everyone gets bullied for everything! Wanting to be a female engineer is no different. Bullying comes out of the insecurities of others. Don’t take those insecurities on yourself but recognize that you have a talent that others wish they had. The best answer to a bully is to own your talent. Saying, “I really don’t care what you think, I’m proud of it.”, then briskly walk away or changing subjects is powerful.

I was bullied when I started my engineering career. I was the only female in the office, however the more they bullied me, the more I wanted to succeed. It did not take long before they saw my abilities, and after a few years of me gaining experience, many of them would come to me to help them with an engineering problem.

My advice, if you really want to do something, and you enjoy the work, go for it, do not let anyone stop you. You may have some difficult times, but that is what makes you stronger in the long run, learning how to excel in all situations.

As for bullying, what worked for me: Never show it impacts you!! (It is OK to be upset in private.) My experience was, if they see it bothers you, they will keep doing it, if they see it does not impact you, they usually move on to someone else.

Good luck in your career choice!!

Being bullied is really tough! There are all sorts of reasons why people bully others and it usually has more to do with the bully themselves.

You absolutely CAN be an engineer. I've been a girl in the engineering world since I started university 18 years ago and have NEVER been bullied for being a girl engineer. That doesn't mean things are always as equal as they should be, but the more of us that pursue it the more normal and fair it will become.

Being practical, if you're at risk of being bullied at school then there should be support available from your family and teachers. It's also none of anyone else's business what job you aspire to so it's up to you if you'd rather keep it to yourself to reduce the risk. Once you join any engineering programme, course, apprenticeship or workplace I'd be very surprised if you were bullied because of your gender.

Short answer: Don't let other people change your goals. Offering insight and advice is always welcome as outsiders may bring something to the forefront that you are not considering. There is a big difference between people concerned over your best interest and bully's.

Long answer:
Bully's often are battling through their own insecurities or lashing out at individuals that they envy. A bully situation often has several factors. Not being sure of your situation, one on one bullying or herd mentality bullying, it is hard to provide any advice other than the short answer.

Yet, commonly as you go through a school environment, students often follow the same or similar transition of schools. So if you are in a bully situation at 12 years old, you probably will have the same situation as you move through your school environment.

How to deal with bullies:

• Don't acknowledge - if you can walk away from the situation without reacting or showing the bully that they are affecting you, often they will lose interest and move on.
• Positive engagement - this is a little tricky and at age 12 you may not want to even attempt. If you can control the environment. Sometimes a bully envy's your position or really wants to be in your circle, but they want to feel important too. Try to understand why the person is bullying. Be cautious and keep a parent or someone informed of what is happening and what you are attempting. Don't meet with the bully in an environment that is secluded.
• Social Media Bully's - With social media people feel less inhibited to express their opinions, and seems to escape the etiquette guidelines of face to face interactions. It is best not to engage in the back and forth responses, and if warranted block the user from your profile. Lastly, this comes with time and maturity, but learn that other people's opinions are not a reflection of your actual self or feelings.
• Herd Mentality Bully's - there is usually a leader and then a bunch of followers in this bullying tactic. Probably the best tactic in a school environment is to talk to a trusted teacher or counselor to let them know what is happening. You are probably not the only target with this group. A teacher can address the larger group in bullying and the feelings around it. Often the followers will see that what is happening is unacceptable and separate from the "herd". Once the Lead Bully has no followers they will often change.

Lastly, when you are young, age 12, dealing with a bully is not the easiest thing to do. Understanding the dynamics behind why the situation is happening often alludes. Alternatively, parents and support individuals will sometimes over react and make the situation larger than it really is, which just tends to make the bully situation even worse because now the bully may be getting the attention that they want. Be as open as possible with your adult's that you trust. Make sure you express your feelings to them.

It is VERY Important that you follow your dreams. Engineering isn't meant to be for one sex or one gender over another. The very "art" of engineering is that problem solving needs to come from EVERY person, gender, creed and perspective. It is important that all walks of life contribute to engineering, that is where when we all come together, brilliance comes from.

First and foremost, the way people treat others is always more of a reflection of something going on with them, than with the person they are bullying. They might feel insecure because they don’t have a plan or because they know you have strong potential. You could ask for support from your parents or school authorities and should depending on the situation.

Please don’t give up on your dream because of someone else’s behavior! You could use this as an opportunity to grow. Handling a hard situation helps us better prepare for life. Figure out how you’d like to respond. If you are confident, it may deter them. You could also ask them why they think engineering is a bad choice. If they think it’s a bad choice for girls, then they are frankly pretty uninformed and I feel a little sorry for them. Income potential is strong, ability to apply the knowledge in other fields is strong, allowing career flexibility and the work has the potential to improve lives throughout the world. What’s to bully?!

You can do whatever you want and you should do what you feel is right - and the right thing is not always the easiest. The bullies will most likely be irrelevant in your future, so just make sure you stay true to yourself (and don't act like bullies to avoid being bullied). You should definitely tell an adult about what is going on, so that you can get support to fix this situation. Bullying is not acceptable and should be called out.

My last advice would be for you to put your energy into positive things, like building the skills to become an engineer. There are millions of very successful female engineers, so shame on those who think that a girl cannot become an engineer.

Absolutely you can be an engineer. No one can control your aspirations for you. Whatever you dream and whatever you aspire to be, as long as YOU set YOUR mind to it, you will go far. There will be many points where people may doubt you, and you may even doubt yourself, but don’t let that fear take away your spark. Engineering is all about being curious and dedicated to learning. If you stick to that and believe in YOURSELF, you CAN become an engineer.

This question resonated well with me as I experienced something similar in my path to being an engineer. You are breaking the "expectation" of what girls are supposed to do. You are also very bright and probably many others are envious of your capability.

However, perseverance in the face of adversity will do you well regardless of what you decide to be. You should be proud of your capability and dream to be an engineer. When others may bully you or say something wrong about your desire, it is best to say nothing and just smile OR say "it is my dream to pursue and this is why.....". While others may pursue getting superficial "followers", you will follow yourself and your heart which will inspire others even more.

YES, you can still be an engineer even though you were bullied for wanting to be one. Bullying for having any sort of interest is bound to happen. It can be quite discouraging and I can’t guarantee it changes as you get older but what I can guarantee is that it’s always fulfilling to be your true self.

I would actually recommend finding the people in your life who actively support your goals and interests and don’t worry if there’s no one around you who does. There’s a huge community out there who will support you, can give you advice, recommendations on colleges, and how to navigate a workplace as a female engineer.

And if you do continue to get bullied (or see anyone else for that matter) for wanting to be an engineer, stand up yourself. If you need help with figuring out what that means, reach out to your parents, a trusted teacher/school counselor, or any other trusted adult to help you address/talk to the person.

If you have a passion for engineering, you should definitely pursue it. Engineering is a field that requires creativity, problem-solving, and resilience, all of which can be strengthened through overcoming challenges. Remember, many successful engineers faced obstacles along the way but persevered. Your unique experiences and determination can become your strengths. Always believe in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals.