When is the best time to be a parent?

Hello Hypatia,

This is a tough question and the answer is highly individual. Everybody makes different choices depending on what type of person they are and what is important to them. For me, having kids did not influence my career negatively. And I am having another one in 6 weeks! The challenge is more emotionally. I often feel bad because I think I should spend more time with my daughter and not always be so busy getting things done or work overtime. But then I look at her (now 4 years old) and she seems pretty happy. 

In my personal opinion, there is never the ideal moment to have kids. Especially when thinking about your career, it will always be challenging to fit kids in and keep up with the demanding career of an engineer. Somehow our culture makes it very difficult and there is not much help in terms of generous (and paid) maternity leave for example or more part time jobs. On the other hand, there are always flexible, creative ways that people find to make it work. It is however important that your husband is the kind of guy who shares the tasks at home with you and feels equally responsible to take care of the child. 

Secondly, I feel like there is no way to plan or even imagine how your life will be like once you have kids. It is an experience hard to plan for in detail and therefore defining what the “right” moment would be, is impossible. That said, if you and your husband feel that you are ready to have kids together, I say why wait? Go for it now. You will figure it out. The older you get, the less energy you have and believe me, you need all the energy you can muster. Also, as they get older you don’t want to be ancient just because you were busy with your career first. And if your company treats you bad because you want to be a Mom, then I would reconsider if that is the right company to be with. I do not think that having kids puts you in a disadvantage in general.

I wish you good luck in finding a path that works out for you.

Stephanie