How do I convince my parents to let me try engineering?

I would start with asking them questions. What is the reason they feel engineering isn’t a good field for women? What are their concerns? Based on that answer, the conversation could change significantly. If it’s the fact that you will be in a male dominated field, you could give them examples of projects you’ve worked on where you’ve been able to assert your views and work collaboratively. If you don’t have examples, I would encourage you to try that out and demonstrate that ability through a robotics club, volunteering, etc.

You may also want to explain your passion for the work that you will do, the broad opportunities you would have and how you will leverage your natural aptitude. Not everyone finds math and science easy or rewarding. Just hearing your request, I want you to be able to leverage that and help solve the world’s complex problems! Best of luck!

My parents did not have to be convinced, but my mother has said numerous times, “When you were growing up, I never imagined you being an engineer.” OR “I can’t believe you are an engineer handling things like this.” It may be that your parents are just unfamiliar with engineering and how great of a career it can be for a female. Being a parent myself, I know that we want what is best for our children. On top of that, we also know that college is really expensive. As the parent, my desire for my children is for them to pursue a degree in a field they are fully engaged, excited about, and committed to passing so time is not wasted in switching degrees or graduating with a degree that doesn’t get used. I would suggest making sure in your mind first that engineering is what you definitely want to pursue, then worry about convincing your parents.

Here are some suggestions:

• Research which type of engineering you would like to study so you can discuss the specifics on the degree, classes, and type of job you would take for this degree.
• Talk to your math/science teachers at school to understand possibilities in engineering.
• Pursue math/science/engineering extracurricular activities, clubs, or classes at school or in the community.
• Attend a technical career fair and speak with someone in the engineering field.
• Consider a job/internship/job-shadowing with an engineer (this can be done with local engineering companies, industries, utility companies, city/county, DOT, etc).
• Show your parents the EngineerGirl website and all the female stories of their careers.

It is very sad that parents would be so controlling about your career. Of course you do not want to disrespect your parents, however, it is important to keep in mind if you do not make a stand, you are disrespecting yourself.

There are two ways to handle this, the first is with logic & reason, the second is by force. Try logic and reason first. Then, if unsuccessful, you may have to force the issue.

The difficulty is that your parents will likely use the "we're paying for your education" card, but it is unlikely they won't pay for it because they won't want to see their beautiful daughter experiencing hardship. Think of it as a good opportunity to learn how to be assertive about your wants and needs; it is an excellent life lesson.

Assuming your parents can be influenced by logic and reason, you can start by asking why they think it is not for girls. They may say, "it is a field dominated by men", or they may say, "it uses a lot of math & science.” These arguments are easy to refute.

There are many fields comprised mostly of men in the past that are now equal in gender, or even have more women than men now, e.g., doctors and lawyers. In the not too distant past, these fields were all male. Ask your parents why they would not want you to be one of the pioneers who changes the face of engineering. Ask them why they would not want you to reap the rewards of a high paying career. Engineers earn a good wage directly out of college, unlike many other careers that have low wages. Tell your parents their money will be better spent helping you obtain an engineering degree because for sure you will be able to support yourself right out of college.

As for the math and science argument, you can easily argue that one away because you would not be considering a career in engineering if you didn't already feel confident in math & science. You will talk about your grades and how much you like it. You will remind them of projects you have done that you did well on and also enjoyed doing. You will tell them you want to wake up every day and be excited about going to work, which is how you feel when you study math and science.

If your parents cannot be convinced by the above, seriously, they are being too controlling. It is in your best interest to force the issue. Try to find a counselor or friend who can help you gain the courage to stand-up to them. And then do it. They will forgive you. Legally, in the United States, once you are 18, they cannot tell you what to do. Other countries may be different. If that is the case, keep developing your "logic and reason" arguments.

Let's say you decide to pursue engineering anyway. Here is something you can say to your parents, "Mom and Dad, I love you and respect you. I will always appreciate everything you have done for me. I understand your concerns about majoring in engineering and do not doubt there is some merit to your concerns. I am sure I will not be happy in a career I do not find interesting. I know I can succeed in engineering even though it is male dominated. I will work harder than everyone else, if necessary, and I will find a female mentor to navigate through any problems that may arise. Thank you for sharing your opinion. I am informing you now that my plan is to major in engineering."

Your parents will not cry or be upset if you say it like that. They will respect your decision and will love you more because you had the courage to stand up to them. They will be proud of you and they will know they did an excellent job raising a confident and assertive young woman.

Hi There! You do have quite a tricky situation, but one of the best things about being an engineer is you solve problems, so let’s see if we can solve your problem together. It’s tough when you want to try something but you don’t have the support that you need. So, if you really like math and science, keep on doing it and find ways to learn more – join a science club and/or math club and/or Girl Scouts! Participate in STEM fairs. Keep on kicking butt in school and follow your gut. If you want to try engineering, you’re in the perfect forum to ask as many engineers as you want about engineering and how to get that experience. You have a whole gallery of female engineers here cheering you on and supporting you! I would use that frustration of not having parental support to fuel your passion to pursue engineering. I’m sure your parents have their reasons of why girls can’t be engineers, but girls can be engineers – and EngineerGirl is proof.

When people say engineering is not for girls, I like to look at nature as an example. Bees are amazing engineers. They use intricate geometric patterns to create their hives and honeycombs as well as science and math that they have passed down instinctively from generation to generation to know the perfect amounts of each ingredient to make the life force to keep the hive not only operating but also thriving. The worker bees are the ones who put in the hours and labor to create all of this skillful engineering, who are all female. In fact, many times in nature it is the females who are the builders, the designers and the architects of the colonies or keep the herds thriving. They do this by being problem solvers and by finding solutions that will have outcomes that will serve the overall common good for their community.

Isn’t that what we do as engineers? We use our skills to look for solutions to problems that face our communities, and humanity overall so we can have outcomes that will serve the common good for the people (environment, etc.). So if the animal kingdom often chooses their female members for this role, why shouldn’t people have females assume this role as well?

I would say it is very difficult to have a parent tell you that they don’t believe you should pursue something. I think the best advice I could give is to keep talking to them about it, show that you really are interested and invested in this. Also, it is always good to have a mentor on your side. If you can find a teacher who supports your dream perhaps they can also talk to your parents about not only how well you are doing in classes, but how they think a career in engineering would really fit for you. I know for me in my career, mentorship was key in my success. My biggest advice is don’t give up on your dreams. Continue to pursue what fills you will passion and happiness.

Thank you for the question, it is a GREAT question. I feel very strongly about this. I graduated in Civil & Environmental Engineering from the University of Wisconsin – Madison. I am one of their Distinguished Alumni and a Notable Alumni.

When I was going to school in 1976, I told my mom what I was about to major in and she told me to “pick something easier.” She did not really know what a civil engineer did but she knew it was hard. When I enrolled in the college of Civil & Environmental Engineering, I had to meet with the Dean to sign off on my entrance to the college. The Dean made a statement to me that still rings with me to this day. He said “…people like you generally don’t make it through our program…I am not sure this program is for you…?” When he said this to me my heart sank for a minute and then I became DETERMINED. I had always been told as a kid that I could be anything and here are two adults who I respected telling me not to pursue a career in engineering. Instead of discouraging me, their comments made me MORE DETERMINED THAN EVER to succeed.

I must say that my mother is my greatest advocate and fully supported me throughout my tenure at the UW-Madison College of Engineering and beyond. She now is my most vocal cheerleader!

Here is why it is so important for girls to pursue careers in engineering and how they can convince their parents to support them.

• We live in a technological world – Tell mom and dad that the world has significantly changed over the past 30+ years. Engineers are driving the changes that impact our lives everyday. Talk to your parents about your creativity and need to drive progress in the world. Talk to them about all of the significant changes and how engineers have been at the forefront of them all – computers, iPads, mobile technology, robotics and automation, software engineering, and many other innovations are all courtesy of engineers. Tell mom and dad that you don’t want to be left behind!
• Rewarding Salaries – Tell your parents that you will be able to make a good salary as an engineer. Explain to your parents that you will be able to make a decent salary and become self-sufficient FASTER. Good job prospects – Engineers are in demand! Robots are taking control of many manufacturing plants and our nation’s infrastructure is in a state of disrepair. Civil engineering graduates are in high demand. Tell your parents you want to be ready for the FUTURE ECONOMY. Giving you an opportunity to pursue a career in engineering will provide an excellent opportunity for you to remain employed and employable in the future.
• Engineering is an excellent investment – At a time when college tuition is at its highest point in history where many students are going into debt with low job prospects, engineering remains a bright star among majors to pursue. Tell your parents that if you want your college investment in you to count, engineering is an excellent return on investment. Tell them that you will be able to get a good job that will help pay off tuition costs sooner rather than later. Non-STEM majors have lower pay and many of their students can’t find a job after college. Not so for engineers.
• Engineers affect the lives of all of us – At a time when our nation is struggling to procure technical talent, many engineers are in the country on HB1 visas because the U.S. is not graduating enough engineers. Tell your parents that as a matter of national security, we need more engineers – particularly women engineers to bridge the gap.
• Dare to be different – One of the things I always tell students is “Dare to be Different.” Women across history who have stood out have a distinction that made them different from their contemporary peers. The characteristics of these women include their boldness to step out from the crowd and their drive to make a difference. These types of women see a challenge and want to change the world in a positive way. Tell your parents that you don’t want to follow the crowd. Tell them that you want to make an impact on the world and that pursuing a career is one way to do that. Tell them that careers have no gender and that there are many girls like me that are successful in our careers. Tell your parents to believe in you! Tell them you dare to be different!

Gender bias and the male-dominated climate still impacts the number of students in engineering. I am a black, female, civil engineer. I was raised in Chicago’s inner city and was one of the LEAST LIKELY candidates for a career in engineering. If I can do it, anyone can. It has made a significant impact in my life. It has moved me from poverty to affluence. We need more girls to pursue engineering. I sincerely hope this helps.

Parents have different reasons for thinking that engineering is not a good choice, and it is useful to try to understand why they think that. You may want to ask them so you can discuss it. If the reason is that you will not be good at it, then you should point out that you are doing well in the relevant classes and enjoy them as well. If the answer is that they are worried that you will be isolated among male engineering students in college, then you should point out that many universities are at or nearly at 50-50 male-female students in their engineering programs, and those that are not are receiving a great deal of pressure to get there, and will be making advances to make it so. If the answer is that they are worried that you will be isolated among male engineer colleagues in the future in your career, the answer is that there are increasing numbers of women in engineering, and that engineering is being reshaped by women: new areas are popping up that are very diverse and reflect the interests and needs of diverse parts of society and diverse contributing engineers (some examples are biomedical engineering, assistive devices, socially assistive robotics, human-machine interaction, sustainability, renewable energy, and so many more). So the overall answer is that you can do engineering, you can shape engineering to be different than it is today, that it is already changing rapidly to be much more diverse, and that you can get to shape its future.

First of all, well done on recognizing your strengths and excelling in the universal language of math! Parents want the best for you and always remember that despite their opinion for what you should do in your career. Take the approach of love when you let them know how you feel and help provide them with a sense of security that no matter what, your education and decision to pursue engineering will assist you in realizing your potential.

Every generation has been predisposed to industries before them that help shape their opinions. Especially when you factor in gender discrimination, some fields would have not as many paths for young women as before. That being said things are changing and although they are discouraging it, for now, share your generation’s thoughts to them. Today if you would suggest you want to get into the steel industry, many parents would advise against it as the rise of climate change and difficulties in sourcing natural resources are, right? However, 100 years ago when the great and late Andrew Carnegie revolutionized entrepreneurship and philanthropy with steel he shaped the many parents who may have recommended their children follow in his footsteps. A good exercise would be to provide the leaders or people you admire that share similar interests that would not have otherwise been successful in the past. This exercise also helps identify areas you may want to focus on and be inspired by!

Here are some insights I have read over the past few years that may help provide some insight to engineering for you and your parents:

• Engineering has the ability to become versatile. In fact, did you know that in some medical schools the percentage of students that have engineering as their undergraduate program tend to have lower drop-out rates and help invent solutions that are now changing healthcare for the better?
• There was a period of time not too long ago that the top CEO’s of the most successful companies were engineers with MBA’s. One CEO once said by learning to design, solve problems, and plan coupled with business provides strength as they don’t have to rely on experience or real examples to navigate and they have the training and skills to make effective decisions.
• Finally, a personal story that I experienced! I was helping a few friends study for their LSAT (a test to qualify for law school) as I heard them complain and say how difficult this exam is and the pressure looming over them as their marks not only determine if you can go to law school but which school will accept them I wanted to help. I tried to offer them some of my studying techniques that I picked up from the diverse course loads that you have in engineering programs They were skeptical, not being in engineering themselves. They suggested this wouldn’t help and suggested I take a portion of the practice test. It was the logic portion, and despite it proving to me it was not easy, I went on to attempt 5 questions. As they checked I had got 4 of the 5 questions. I share this to help you also let your parents know that your choice in engineering will give you an edge and that as you get inspired further in your life and career, the options are endless!

Good luck and remember they want you to be happy and successful, so keep this in mind when you approach them.

All the best EngineerGirl!

I was lucky that I did not have to convince my parents to let me pursue engineering: they supported my decision from day one. But even without having faced this obstacle, I believe I can offer a solid piece of advice from the perspective of someone who had to use a similar approach to get people to see things my way. Here's what I'd do in your situation:

1. Sit down with your parents to have an honest discussion about their concerns. Do they worry about discrimination against women in tech? A tough work environment? Ask them to explain their objections in great detail. Then, take notes, thank them for their viewpoints, and ask for time to reflect and do your own research before you talk again.
2. Do your homework. After hearing your parents out, do some online research. Read the mini-bios of the featured engineers here at engineergirl.org, check out the Ask an Engineer section to find facts that may help assuage their worries. You may also want to check out this article I wrote with advice for young women in tech. It describes some good strategies to succeed in a male dominated field that include finding good mentors and being smart about which companies to work for.
3. Have a second discussion to present your findings. Demonstrate to your parents that you listened to their concerns, addressing them one by one. Rather than talking dismissively about their worries, make sure you recognize them, and then offer solutions that demonstrate you have thought the problem through and want them to feel comfortable with your choices. For example, if they said, "engineering is a tough work environment for women,” you could share the answers in this Featured Question to give them a different perspective.

While the approach above is not guaranteed to work, I believe it will go a long way to show your parents that you're not being impulsive, but rather being thoughtful about your choices and making an informed decision about the career you want to pursue. Hopefully they'll find your arguments convincing, and decide to support your valuable career goals. Good luck!

That really is a tough question! As the youngest of four girls who all pursued STEM careers and had the support of our parents (who also had STEM backgrounds), I am bummed out that your parents don’t see the amazing opportunities of engineering and how girls can TOTALLY do it.

It’s hard for me to fully understand a blanket statement against any career in engineering. A career in engineering could be a lot of different things and environments – location, industry, workload, opportunities to travel, etc. Beyond that, just a background in engineering won’t constrict your opportunities to pursue any number of things. For example, my best friend got a degree in engineering and then continued her education to become a doctor. My sister got a degree in engineering and is now a graphic designer and artist that sells her work online and in stores.

I think the best way to convince them is to really understand where they are coming from and then address whatever concerns they are having. What is it about engineering that they believe isn’t a good career for girls? Is it something that they’ve heard or perceived that may or may not be true? What is it that your parents would rather have you do, and why? For example, girls can totally do well at math and science, which it sounds like you’re already doing. Sometimes it’s true that engineering classes or industries are skewed towards more boys, but 1) girls can still be successful, contributing, leaders in those situations; 2) there are places like where I work (a testing lab in a large company) where the department is almost 50-50 split between the two traditional genders.

I wish you the best of luck in pursuing your dreams!

It's so frustrating to hear the perception that girls aren't cut out for STEM persists, especially among the parents of the next generation. In many ways, girls' tendency to be detail-oriented multitaskers, combined with our innate compassion, makes us uniquely qualified to be problem solvers in society, so the stereotype simply doesn't hold, as long as girls are given the same opportunities. My advice to you with your parents specifically is to focus on the fields they DO want you to pursue, and research the ways engineering can be put to use in those fields.

Doctor or nurse? Biomedical engineering helps patients live better lives AND doesn't require over a decade of school (and the associated risk of not finishing or being deeply in debt for said education).

Lawyer? Technical expertise combined with business acumen can put you in the boardroom where massive decisions are made, and if you really want to go the legal route you can be a technical patent reviewer.

Teacher? You can be an engineer and stay connected to K-12 students through outreach initiatives like SWENext, First Robotics, Invent It Build It, etc. We need skilled technical professionals to be role models in education so more kids (girls AND boys) choose STEM careers!

Finance? The world of financial services is increasingly being digitized. Be a part of the financial innovation through Analytics, Machine Learning, Forecasting, and Business Intelligence!

In other words, GO FOR IT! :) You're not the first student to choose a path their parents didn't choose for them, and you won't be the last. Finding a career that you're good at, that you enjoy, AND that someone will pay you for one of the biggest questions of growing up. If you have an interest in STEM, the sky is the limit!

I did not start in engineering – I started as a math major in the College of Arts and Sciences. But halfway through my first semester, I realized that engineering was where I needed to be. I set up a meeting with the dean and made all of the arrangements necessary to transfer. Then I called home and asked to speak with both of my parents. My father was ecstatic. My mother said no. Actually, I am now in my 60s and she is deceased and I have no idea why she said no. I said, "I don't think you understand, I have already made all of the arrangements, I am just calling to tell you."

Engineers make the world work. Engineering is a great career for women. I don't understand why everyone doesn't want to be an engineer!

Reach for the stars and follow your dreams. The keys to success are passion, determination and persistence. That means you have to develop the backbone to be your own advocate.

This question makes me so sad. It's 2019 after all. Women should be able to do anything they want and the number of women in STEM fields is on the rise. In fact, we can't graduate enough STEM degrees to keep up with the demand, and let's face it STEM careers make good money. If those reasons aren't enough for going into engineering, prove them wrong. Kick serious butt in all your STEM classes. Find a trusted STEM teacher to talk to your parents, and you yourself sit down with your parents and tell them how important being an engineer is to you and why you think it's a good fit. If they continue to say no, find scholarships, get mentors that are women in engineering, and do it anyway. If it's your dream, don't let ANYONE ever tell you no. Prove them wrong and go make it happen.